my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
