how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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