You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
