im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
