I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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