It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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