every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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