Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
