You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
