Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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