plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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