tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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