apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
