5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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