you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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