i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
