i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
