I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
