i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
