And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
