I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
