i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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