I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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