I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
