Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
