WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
