This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
