It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
