Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
