love makes seman taste better
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
