I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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