Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
