toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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