shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
