just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
