i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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