i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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