I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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