So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
