i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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