Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
