high people should be assigned attendants
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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