Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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