Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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