so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
