WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
