just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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