ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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