tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
