Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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