can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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