I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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